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Case Study, May 2007

Ask the Genie - Toby and sal, the love of giving gifts

Some people love to give gifts as a sign of affection. They don't have to be large, expensive gifts, but just regular showers of little things. A flower, a new pen for work or a soft toy. Read our case study on a man who learns how to better show his love..

Every month we analyse a new problem. Comments are welcome!

Case Study for May 2007
Toby and sal, the love of giving gifts

Background: Toby and Sal had been married for five years and had managed to keep a very strong relationship through tough times. They had a difficult time finding a new home to live in, Sal's father had passed away, Toby had a hard time finding a job in a new area and finding friends wasn't as easy as it was when they were younger. But after a while things started to settle down and their lives found a new healthy rhythm. They had found that their hard times had been a bonding experience for them. As they stuck close to each other, offering their support, they felt closer to each other as they had a common goal to strive for. Despite being thankful that those difficult times were over, they didn't have regular ways to heroically show their love.

The Gift: Sal felt that she wasn't showing regular signs of affection to her husband, so decided to surprise him every so often with a small gift. Every few weeks she would buy him something small, often from the cheaper end of his Today I Wish wish list. She would wrap it up nicely, write a poem and put it in the glove box of his truck so that he would find it while he was out working during the day. Sal through it was a romantic and effective way of showing her husband that he is always in her thoughts.

The Problem: Toby was shocked at first but loved the surprise. He was so touched that he almost cried. That weekend, he made sure that he did (almost) everything that Sal had been asking him for months to do. Sal got a lot of encouragement from his actions. However on the second and third instances, Toby was confused. He didn't understand why she was always giving him gifts. They were not financial worries any more yet the gifts were by no means expensive. They were just consistent. Toby was feeling more bewildered than loved. Sal loved to give and receive gifts. It was her way of expressing love. However Toby couldn't see that, leaving him confused and his wife emotionally unsatisfied.

The Outcome: Toby decided to ask Genie about why his wife was always giving him gifts. Genie loves gifts and gift giving and could see that Sal was the same. Genie explained that some people feel loved through different ways. For some people it is giving and receiving gifts. Toby was excited to hear this. All this time his wife had really been trying to say "I love you". Toby made sure he picked up something for her on the way home the next day. The next day when Sal got to work, she found a little gift and card in her bag. Sal still recounts it as one of the best days of her life.

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